karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma

Thank you God...

... for my closure.

Saw a cute brown rabbit on the HBU lawn today and a squirrel in the middle of the bridge, looking at the water...

Sat at the picnic table where we used to sit and converse...

And stood on the bridge where I used to hold her...

Tried to remember and reminisce...

But then wondered...

Was it real?

Or had it been just a dream?

Bruce Almighty on TV..
Pirates of the Caribbean comes out...
33 everywhere...
The Last Samurai out of the blue...

Be the miracle...

"Prepare yourself for the worst...

... so that the best can happen."

Superman Returns...

... in more ways than one.

"No one wants you when you're down and out..."

I cried today...

... and it wasn't because of Jessica. It's because I'm going to miss my brother. I won't even see him for 5 months. But I know that God has his plans for everyone, and Alex is beginning his. I love you, Little Dragon. Whether or not you know it, you are one of my most important inspirations. I love you so much. Godspeed, and God bless you and watch over you. The Dragons will be double again. I know it.

Today, I realized that everything's going to be ok. It's her loss. It IS mine also, but there will be another...

Glass eye... GLASS EYE!... GLASS EYE!

I will focus, forget, and forge on...

SAIKYO!

My mind is all jumbled. I need to pull myself together... recenter myself. It's tough. The path is very clearly obvious, but it's hard to focus. I need to acknowledge the fact that things're over. It shouldn't be so hard to accept. Things've faltered before. This is no different.

But it is. SHE is.

There ARE millions out there. Instead of punishing myself with idle thought, I need to punish myself with productive masochism. There was a time when all I thought about was building myself up, carving and refining the weapon that I was becoming. I wanted and still want to be God's soldier. But somewhere in the process, the power that I was accumulating corrupted me. I hurt people and I didn't care. I tore people to bits with my words and I didn't care. The women I've hurt...

THIS is karma coming back to bite me in the ass. I abused the power and it was diminished. I hurt women and one pays me back for all of them.

And I hate TV.

Girls and songs

Certain girls in my life I have come to associate with certain songs...

Melissa Stanley - "Valentine" by Martina McBride
Rachel Seely - "Never had a dream come true" by S Club 7
Jenny Davis - "Sk8er boi" by Avril Lavigne
Allison Reed - "Why don't you and I" by Nickelback and Santana
Rachael Jackson - "As long as you love me" - Backstreet Boys
Ashley Southern - "Waiting" by Staind, "I don't want to be your friend" by Do
Jessica Walker - "Resolution" by Nick Lachey

History does repeat...

... to a degree.

OK.

I fell for Jessica. She is everything I've ever wanted in a woman, and I mean everything. We both acknowledged that we've developed a significantly deep connection. She is beautiful, smart, hardworking, kind, with a good Samaritan attitude. All in all, nigh-perfect.

The problem is: things're moving too fast for her. That and our own specific personal issues have led to us fighting and and arguing on the phone. Things're just... out of order. Not even together and we're fighting. It kills me that I've raised my voice to her, and not to my idiot roommate. As a result of our verbal fights, things are at the lowest point they've been.

I haven't felt this bad since Jenny.
And it's the same type of feeling.

Which leads me to something really freaky. The last movie I ever saw with Jenny was "Bruce Almighty." There were a bunch of messages in that movie that, back then, I totally ignored or just didn't catch due to the inclement times. What followed were a couple of the roughest months of my life.

But today, I turned on the TV, and guess what was on? Yep. I was scared. But today, I caught a whole bunch of messages that were worthwhile. And I listened, today. Sucks that it took a movie to realign myself again. There are other things that the movie conveyed to me.

But what's up in the air now is: Will history repeat itself? Or will I know what to do?

If I know, then God knows.

God guide me

I haven't felt this bad in a while. Or this kind of bad. I pray that you bring me back, stronger than before, just like last time. Please guide me. Your Way is the only way. Amen.

I made a huge mistake... perhaps the biggest of my life.

Kokuryu returns...

Well at least I can hide behind that part of my identity. That's always the way it is. Nothing that I want, outside of things achieved, both in goals and material acquisitions, seems to happen. Maybe a better way to say that is that I accomplish nearly all of my goals, and almost always get what I want in terms of possessions, but when it comes to matters of the heart and emotion, I always lose. For that reason, it is always easier to go back to being Kokuryu. At least then I can channel my sorrow into something physically productive, though should I use what I have built, it can be physically destructive to my being as well. But at least the pain reminds me that I am alive, and not numb from the other kind of pain. I am a masochist for things physically challenging, but not for pain of the heart. That... I cannot take. In love, I feel alive. But I feel the same way in combat. When in love, I'm in love. When in a fight, there is only the opponent.

I've lost my focus.

Time to sharpen it again.

"... and you have to train your reflexes, so when you want it, it's there..."
"... so if I'm going to do it then I'm going to do it..."

The waters are stormy...

... and thus another name...
Tatsu is the dragon of the chaos.
And I am torn and undecided...
God guide me.

*sigh*

Jessica...

Here Nee-L

http://xbox360.ign.com/articles/706/706199p1.html

God...

...please help me.

Happy Birthday Alex!

I love you Xiao Long.

I am so very frustrated...

Forgot to mention, last week, from not 20 feet away, I saw a hawk catch a blackbird and fly off. One of the coolest things I've ever seen.

Happy Birthday Pop!

*sigh* another crunch week

David, I meet your challenge/request...

.. though if this fails, keep in mind that I WILL revert.

HBU sucks

or at least the internet does. It blocks my blog, and all blogs. So I can POST on 'em, but I can't view them to see the finished product. SOB...

God, please guide me...

I really need help in pushing myself to study.
I really need help in doing the right thing when it comes to girls.
I really need help with being what You've given me the potential to be.
Please bless my mother, my father, my brother, my sister, and my other brothers.
Please bless those people who need Your help.
Please bless...

a funny conversation:

Secretive blind man and his best friend at a cafe:

Best friend: "I hate to bring it up again, but I spent $3000 on that seeing-eye dog."
Blind: "Well I told you I didn't need a dog. I didn't want a dog."
Best friend: "Let me show you something about you Matt. Seeing-eye dogs bond for life. Yours ran away."
Blind: "Heheheh.."
Best friend: "Just goes to show how emotionally available you are, Matt."

btw, the blind man is Daredevil. :-P

Well, I think I did what God wanted me to do...

... now all that's left is for me to follow through and do the other things that I need to do, like STUDY. I pwned my bio test, gettin' the highest grade in the class. NOW they know who Nick is, not that I like the attention. But now, it'd be wise if I studied for NT and OT, bc it's comin' and it's gon' come down hard.

Do is so fine...

Manny Pacquiao

You join my list of heroes.

I got my ass kicked tonight. The choices we make...

Sorority Girl's Mating Call:

"I am soooo drunk."

I am proving myself...

Scratch that, no girl. I'm not stealin'. Now if it should happen without me doin' anything...

Well now...

I think I found my studying groove. After working 8+ hr shifts and then studyin' pretty much right after for a good few hours, I've learned to focus. Hahaha!

And there's a girl :)

God, please make me stronger.

Let's reiterate...

All men have limits. They learn what they are and learn not to exceed them.

I ignore mine.

O God, please help me.

Well I'm here and connected at HBU

I'm bored. And lonely.

I need to train. And study.

Lightsaber!

Yes, I'm a dork. But I still think this pic is cool.

God, please make me strong.

Man...

I am messed up. I was so in love with her. And even now, I probably still am. I think about her almost daily, and even when I laugh and try to brush it aside, she's still there. Can't avoid it. And now, even though she's probably nuts, I still wish she'd come back. I am really thankful that I'll be goin' back to a university. Time to begin anew, and to prove my worth.

Rule #5 : One not strong enough on his own is not one worth being with.

And so ends...

... my time as a regular at Randalls. I am both frightened and excited for what the future will bring :)

I came to a crossroads today... My martial art is for health and defense only. That is all. If I were training to be a fighter fighter, then no school for me. But I choose my doctorate instead. I will be a doctor. I'll be a warrior doctor who fights when needed, but not for sport. I'll train for my body and health, but not to fight in the ring. I'll train to balance my life. But I can't train to fight as a lifestyle and get to be good at it without the expense of my brain. And that is completely out of the question. There's just no way. Name a boxer who became a doctor.

None.

School comes first. Don't get me wrong. I CAN fight. I just won't, nor will I be in the shape for fighting someone who is a fighter fighter by choice.

Thus...

... it begins. When this is over, it all will have been so worth it.

I feel...

... fat.

I haven't trained in 3 days and am really starting to feel guilty about it. Wonder if my body's strong enough for 1080 punches w/ 10 lb weights in each hand?

Goodbye Ashley...

I've been defanged...

This sucks.
Alisha, this deal stands.

"My Kind of Girl"

When I was younger, never went too far
Held my feelings and never even wanted to start
'Til when I met you, I didn't know
What you were gonna do with my heart

When you talk (I cling on every word you say)
When you move (Like a breeze on a summer day)
When you smile (the sky turns from gray to blue, that's what you do)
And you're the kind of girl I think of (yeah)
And you're the kind of girl I dream about (yeah)
My heart is telling me I need you in my world (in my world)
'Cause you're my kind of lady (you're my kind of girl)

When I'm not with you, wherever you are
Baby I'm counting the moments 'til I'm back in your arms
All I want is to have you here with me
Every night 'n' every day,

When you talk (I cling on every word you say)
When you move (Like a breeze on a summer day)
When you smile (the sky turns from gray to blue, that's what you do)
And you're the kind of girl I think of
And you're the kind of girl I dream about
My heart is telling me that I need you in my world (my world)
'Cause you're my kind of lady (you're my kind of girl)

Baby girl I need you here by my side
And if you're there everything will be alright
Cause this is the time for us, baby be mine (baby be mine)
And you're the kind of girl I think of
And you're the kind of girl I dream about (girl I dream about yeah)
My heart is telling me that I need you in my world (in my world)
'Cause you're my kind of lady (you're my kind of girl)

Mom's badass

So we had a drunk party over here last night. And I must say it was the most fun I've had in a while. Had more than "quite a bit" to drink (sake, goldschlager, sobeclear, mike's hard lemonade, bud select). Pwned at the vid games. Laughed at Mark Dacascos in "Only the Strong." Enjoyed the company of (mostly) deserving people, though I will say that should weed ever be brought onto my property again, someone's gon' wish he was dead. Thanks David and Danger ;-).

*sigh*

Kristin is right. I do not need to be dating her.

Thank you God...

... for bringing me back. That guy You blessed always reminds me. Good things about Kokuryu remain, and most of the bad is gone.

Part 4

San Sho Ryu: so
San Sho Ryu: I am told
San Sho Ryu: that after the afx teacher threatened me
San Sho Ryu: that Tree came in to work
N3ach: k
San Sho Ryu: and reaffirmed that what capt forehead said to me was not a threat
San Sho Ryu: but a promise
San Sho Ryu: he told Oso
San Sho Ryu: and Gage
N3ach: ive got his promise right here
N3ach: tell him i said that
San Sho Ryu: hahaha
San Sho Ryu: that is 3 times within 10 days that my life has been threatened
San Sho Ryu: I am not happy.

This is me

Damn it, Pam!

I wish I were older.

Not this time...

So I meet this cute girl named Sarah.
Blonde.
Light-blue eyes.
Pale skin.
Skinny.
Shorter'n me.
Shy, but friendly.












Then I realized she reminded me of Jenny, except for the "skinny" part.
...
I don't think so.

David is right. I find it harder to give up training.

Oy this shit never ends...

So today, I'm on my lunch and I sit with Kenisha, just chattin'. Who else should sit at the table next to me besides Captain Forehead? I say: "How you doin'?" and resume my conversation with Kenisha.

She gets up a little later, and Capitan Cabeza goes: "When you're finished with her, can I have a minute?"

And I'm like: "Sure."
"Oh, now?"
"Yes."

He then proceeds to babble about the waivers, which he never brandished, saying things like the last time anyone sparred with him was 14 years ago, when a TKD 2nd degree black belt sparred with whoever and broke his arm. The TKD'er proceeded to sue him for 300k. Yeah ok. So what?
He explains that the waivers are for this and the waivers are for that... etc etc... insurance purposes. I really don't give a shit, since he didn't brandish them the last time we were there. He also lectures me on respect.

Mr Ray Ashton, for as much respect I actually have for you, I showed you a helluva lot of respect that day at your "fitness center." Even Gage said I was respectful, completely different from the previous image he had of me.

This is the kicker though...
At the end, he was like: "I can't say this in a civilian area" so he gets up and sits in front of me and tells me to lean forward.
I do.
Quoting to the best of my memory:
"If I am disrespected ever again, I will make sure that you have just enough time to see your heart in my hand. Have a good day."

And I smile, trying to keep from laughing. I think that was a threat.

Let the trash talking begin!

SHOBU DA!

Power

As each day passes, I feel more powerful and the power tempts me. I hate this whole cliched "With great power comes great responsibility" bullshit. Sometimes, you have to demonstrate to power simply to test it. Sure, you can help people, and sometimes you're the only one who CAN help those people. But why help them if they don't deserve it? Why help them if their attitudes and subsequent actions don't warrant your efforts? Fuck it. Shut them down and shoot them down (not literally). Now don't get me wrong, some dumb fuckers aren't even worth your time. So do zilch. Nothing. Pretend that they don't exist. Recently though, it seems to me that every time I do anything, I hold back, knowing/fearing that I could hurt someone. I don't want to have to hold back just because the other person is too weak to handle it. Smile bitches, Kokuryu is back.

Alisha, I LOVED talking to you tonight.

So...

... I am joined by Nick Smith, Oso, David, Will Greenshield, and Neal and Mitch (the latter two who are just there to watch) at the Affects Fitness center. The day before, we had been invited by Walter Reynolds (referred to hereafter as "Tree"), an orange belt, to join in on the class and/or to spar. As such, our goal is to spar with students, students who are blindly following Captain Forehead (Ray Ashton) in believing that Affects is the most deadly martial art on the planet. This man solicits at the Randalls store so much that the managers have had to escort him out. So the group of us walk in before the class, and we sit and wait. When Capt Forehead walks in, I stand up and shake his hand: "Respectfully sir, I'd like to spar with some of your students later." He responds to which as: "Ok."

Before the class begins, the dear Capt. enlightens us with his history... how he was the only non-Asian to be taught by some grandmaster who's 104 years old, how he spent 25 years developing Affects, and how he has three world records in hand speed.

The man is fast. But I've seen faster.

So, we sit and watch for about five minutes...

They begin doing forms... without stretching. I see Tree run his ass in and start doing his forms.

They yell a lot.

Bored, I stand up and ask if I can warm up with my group. He goes: "Sure." So I take the punching mitts and the kicking clapper and go off to the side. I first do some pushups, then some handstand pushups.

Ray Ashton interjects: "Impressive. But try 2 finger pushups on one leg." And he gets down and does them.
I shrug and say: "Yeah, I've got the 2 fingers, but just not the leg."

Oso starts to feed me punches, while Smith and David work kicks. A few good powered punches, and Capt Forehead interjects:
"Uh, if you're going to be making noise, you're going to be distracting. You can join in on the class if you like and do what they're doing or..."
I say: "Ok, we'll be back." and we go outside to warmup.

Cycling through punching and kicking, I notice that the dear Capt is checking on us every so often, scoping out what we can do.

We go back in and sit down and just watch, taking apart their movements. They do not use the hip for power. Woefully fatal. You can hit me all you want with your arm, but I'll be able to take it. Then I'll give you a good hook and you'll be out.

This is Tae Bo using semi-classical forms. And even Tae Bo is better for you.

Throughout the class, he tries to explain each and every form's purpose, each of which has a good application to real life in theory. But no one practices it on each other. He also says multiple times that we will have to sign waivers in case of injury etc etc etc. He also goes to say that: "When we spar, we start out like this..." Think Enter the Dragon. In the tournament, they start, hands touching. Hahaha that's my range. Y'all are DEAD. He also demonstrates one technique for us, and goes: "That's what you're up against."

And clearly... none of us are fazed.

Forehead asks lil Will to get up and to take the practice knife for a knife disarm demonstration. It takes the man 4 tries to disarm Will. How about... he's dead??

Asks me to come demonstrate a gun disarm. A lot less entertaining. He judo chops me in the neck (Remember what I would have taken during that gun disarm for later).

"We don't do that Hollywood crap." But yet you describe situations where you're sounded by three guys, one with a knife, the other with a bat, and the last swinging a chain, and what you should do in that situation (his first step is a LEAP in the AIR!!! AHAHAHAHA!). And yet, you have moves like "Leaping Tiger" and "Falling Falcon." What. The. FUCK. IS. THAT?
And then he says: "All that other stuff is just playing with your dick."
How unprofessional is that??? For a "master."

After a billion forms, he then asks us to go up and to demonstrate that which we know. His class hasn't sparred, or really practiced on each other. They've done forms, practiced one or two weapons, hit the bag, and done some weighted forms with 1.5 lb weights. Try my 1080 slow punches with 10 pound weights, motherfucker!!!

I quickly go over my background, and the teacher keeps interrupting me. So I explain that I need to show where my skills come from. After I have, Forehead asks me to demonstrate what I would do being in a bent over headlock. I demonstrate a takedown on Oso from being in said headlock, and the Capt says: "Takes too much time. My way would be over in 2 seconds." He demonstrates that he'd've hit the nuts. Ok, sure. I would have too. But then my grappling game isn't that good. Smith demonstrates a body slam on me from that same position. After that technique, Will goes to defend Tae Kwon Do and demonstrates a quick kick to MY NECK. It hurt! Fuck you Captain Forehead and your judo chop. I demonstrate a trap to multiple hits to a rolling takedown on Will. Oso demonstrates a takedown and a knee to MY HEAD.

The man uses tiny details to discredit us. Oh Jesus Christ (Gfm). I say: "Options."

He goes: "The purpose of our martial arts is to walk away." Sure, but then why is he talking about ripping out vital organs? Or why is he saying shit like: "I'd knock you to the wall." or saying (some time ago) that: "Nick's dancing is all good for show and sport, but it'd just take one kick to take him out." Riiiiiiiite.

So I call him out on his techniques there:
"It's only theory."
His eyes go wide. "It's not just theory."
"Sure it is, you haven't proven it."
He walks over to me to prove it, but why would I GIVE him that situation to prove it in?
Nick Smith said it best: "Situation dictates."
From taking a one handed choke, Smith demonstrates an arm break, but the Captain Forehead's all: "Nonono, you hit the inside of the elbow and the wrist." to loosen your attacker's grip. If he's got a GOOD grip, he'd only further traumatize his throat.
Capt Forehead goes: "You are incorrect." Fine, I can deal with that.
So I ask to spar with his students... I've been waiting for the waivers.
"We don't spar."
"Well I would like to get a real feel for the techniques you are using."
"We don't spar. We kill."
"Again, then it's only theory."

I forget what happens next, but he says later on: "You challenge my students you challenge ME."
I say: "Why?"
"Because 2 months ago you said you'd put me out of business."
"I said no such thing."
"And you came here today to challenge me."
"Actually, I was going to let that go. But yesterday Will [Tree/Walter] invited us all."
"2 months ago..."... was 2 months ago. This was yesterday.
He says: "Good day, gentlemen."

As I'm leaving, I shake Captain Forehead's hand, and say:
"I have no doubt that you are a formiddable man..." He smiles.
"... But I could destroy any of your students."
He says: "Ignorance is foolish."
"Except it's the truth."
"Ignorance--"
"I know what I'm saying. I've done my research on you."
He comes up really close to me and whispers:
"You don't know what I know... I train killers."
"Right."

Ironically, his top rank student, Gage, was impressed with us and would like to train with me.
Ain't that a kick in the teeth?

Where were the fuckin' waivers?

Quotes from the night:
Ray Ashton (PP): "After a student receives his Affects black belt, I'd put him up against any black belt on the planet."
RA: "In Tae Kwon Do, you can get a black belt in 6 months."
David Jones(PP): "Those white belts are arrogant."

The best story told by Mr Ray Ashton.
"A man held me up at gunpoint and asked me how much money I had. I said: 'No. How much money do YOU have?' Then I took the gun away from him and took his money and gave it to some kids."

Watch out for me today, Big Guy.

SHOBU DA!

^^^ Japanese for: "Let's fight!"
Tomorrow is the big day!
Shea, Oso, Smith, Neal (probably not fighting), David Jones, and Hannah will accompany yours truly to spar (my bad, I mean challenge) the Affects Fitness school of martial arts.
I'll need to make sure that they sign the same waivers that we must. I'll also need to make sure we're just sparring and not fighting.

Should be a helluva day to remember.

Like I said before, a martial art cannot be taught for the sake of fighting without some kind of person to person contact, be it practing techniques on each other or sparring. Either way, what I believe and what is right are possibly two different things. We'll just have to see which way it is tomorrow.

Aoki Masaru.
Takamura Mamoru.
Kimura Tatsuya.
Miyata Ichiro.
And last but not least... Makunouchi Ippo.

Real or not, you all inspire me greatly.

My legs gave out after the front snaps. I am so weak. I hate feeling so weak.

So like 3 days ago I trained, doing 1080 punches.
Later on today, after I get up, it's 1080 kicks.
I am indeed a masochist.

I'm a masochist.

Turns out a lot of us were in the same boat, but I jumped out to swim.

The Sound of Music.
The Phantom of the Opera.
Pure genius.

God help me.
The first time, I thought it was over.
End of story.
Tsubame Gaeshi.
And now I am again at a fork in the road...
I know of which path I want to take.
But I know now the path I will take.

SAIKYO!

"Right Before Your Eyes"

- Hoobastank -
When the door shuts, don’t worry about me
It’s not attention that I want from you
I need you to trust who I’m gonna be
And in everything I’m going to do
Cause I’m not afraid of what I don’t know
For understanding is all that I yearn
What is for sure is I’m going to go
I’m going to live and I’m going to learn
And I know there will be mistakes that I will make
But I know none are worse than chances I don’t take, take

Right before your eyes, I am changing
Changing
You laugh on the inside, I am changing
Changing

When the door shuts, it shuts finally
A new person that I have become
I’ll follow my heart to my destiny
Living in fear and the sorrow is done
There will be no more feeling that I’m all alone
I will surround myself with things that help me grow, grow

Right before your eyes I am changing
Changing
You laugh on the inside, I am changing
Changing

Right before your eyes I am changing
Changing
You laugh on the inside, I am changing
Changing
Right before your eyes, I am changing
Changing
You laugh on the inside, I am changing
Changing

Right before your eyes
Right before your eyes...

Kokuryu...

... has returned.

TV

Symphonic (meh)
27 inch (yay)
Pure flat screen (yay)
Stereo sound (yay)
S-video (standard for me)
Component video (woohoo!)

$234 after tax.
Not bad at all.

Pam. Very interesting.

Merry Christmas

Apparently, Randalls can't make money during the regular year, and must therefore resort to making money on holidays, such as today. MORONS! And a great big ---- --- to all you idiots who can't do your shopping on days besides Christmas Day.

Look at the profile pic. That's how I'm feelin' inside. A part of me really wants to love a girl, but then my ambitions get in the way. I honestly am feeling that I can only have one or the other. I want to be something of a warrior doctor. Yeah, thas right. I'm the one that'll break your nose and then set it. I'm the one who'll kick you so hard that you'll have internal bleeding, and then I'll operate on you. I'm the one who'll break your face, then reconstruct it. That's a helluva thing to want to be. And I'm well on my way there.

I've been reminded of my priorities. Grandmama died two days ago, and Grandpapa not even 3 months before that. I know they lived a long time, but life is still relatively short. Why waste it, pining over someone that probably isn't worth it? Instead, shoot for greatness! Within everyone is the capacity for greatness, and therein immortality. I'll live my life to be great and remembered, instead of a failure and forgotten...

3 A's and a B.

San Sho Ryu: admittedly, Mom does prefer somewhat that I marry a "nice Asian girl"
San Sho Ryu: but that's an oxymoron
San Sho Ryu: and my mom loves all my friends

Not all who work hard are rewarded, but all who have succeeded have worked hard.

So, as I'm gettin' my ass handed to me by the Chem test, I shake my head. *sigh* I really did look at this material. And two hours into it, Dr. Pelezo goes: "Take it home. Turn it in on Monday." Talk about divine intervention.

Later on today, Oso calls me about how Mr. Affects (Ray Ashton) says that what I do in martial arts is just dancing around and is only good for sport. OK, fine. But we spar to move, not to fight. Sparring helps you develop a fighting mode. You CANNOT teach a true martial art for the sake of combat WITHOUT sparring or PRACTICING on a living person. Forms get you largely nowhere in terms of combat sense, and I believe, Mr Ashton, that you have a rather rude awakening for you and your little business. Your poor disciples are going to be left, again, without direction, as I will be challenging the students of your school before the end of this year.

Interested in what the hell I'm talking about? Check out www.affectsfitness.com and enjoy. And laugh.

So yeah, I think I pwned my math test. Fun shit. Did less'n half the homework. Last chem test tomorrow. Then next week is finals. Then after that, TAMU or HBU. I have 8 days left to decide. I'm at a fork in the road, and I don't know which path I should take. But either way, it'll be a great challenge. And challenges are what I live for.

Interesting day.

SON OF A BITCH!
Time to turn it back up...
Damn it!

God, please give me the diligence and the perseverance I need.

Batman movie ramblings (cont)

GOD THESE SUCK! Batman is supposed to be an urban legend. Not some moron who dresses in rubber armor! WHO THE HELL would want to ASSERT that he exists, wearin' shit like that? Joel Schumacher, you're a fag. A neon color lovin' fag. Burton, you're a great gothic filmmaker, but you didn't really understand what Batman is supposed to be. Christopher Nolan, I'd never heard of you until Batman Begins. I know that you directed other disturbing movies, but THANK YOU for the new beginning! Stay with it!

Batman Motion Picture Anthology 1989 - 1997

So I bought this collection online for a great deal... etc etc.
And after watching the first two movies, I couldn't help but think "This really isn't what Batman is supposed to be." Batman isn't supposed to kill, but he clearly says to the Joker: "I'm going to kill you." Eh! And then, if you look over other parts in the first movie, he killed quite a few people. Blew up the chemical plant where the Joker's gang was stationed, leg grabbed the big guy in the church belfry and threw him down the stairway, not to mention while piloting the Batwing, attempting to blow the Joker up with machine gun fire and missiles!. Yikes! Then in Batman Returns, he killed the big fat man using a bomb, set one of the devils on fire, and intentionally crashing the Batboat into the Penguin's duck vehicle thing. How would Batman know that he wouldn't kill the Penguin?

They're just movies, sure.

But shit, I can nitpick. I think Michael Keaton's overall look as Batman was quite cool, but his head was ENORMOUS. And closeups on the face revealed just how ridiculous he really looked. Val Kilmer's look was pretty good, but the nipples and overly-detailed musculature really kinda put me off. George Clooney's Batman... well let's just say that Batman should NEVER be SHORTER than Robin. Also suffered from nipple syndrome.

Whatever. I think the first two Batman movies were very stylish, very goth, very creepy. The first is still the best. But damn, Returns was creepy to me, and really disgusting. Keaton, Pfeiffer, De Vito... they all did great jobs with the acting. Christopher Walken was just weird. His delivery kinda sucked on a lot of his lines. The hair and his nasty eyebrows, not to mention those cold eyes... *shiver* very disturbing. The other two movies, just don't really do so well.

Keaton's Batman was cool because he was quiet, but when he talked, you listened.
Kilmer's Batman looked ok. Damn nipples. He talked too much.
Clooney's Batman was Adam West with rubber armor and a bobblehead.
Robin is gay.
Batgirl is my cousin Lori with her hair dyed blonde.
Two Face needed better makeup; prunes would've looked better plastered to his face.
Riddle me this: When is the Riddler a moronic buffoon? Answer at the bottom.
Poison Ivy should drink her own poison.
Freeze needs to FREEZE his acting career, oh wait, he's the guvnah!




Answer: When he's Jim Carrey.

:-P :-P :-P :-P :-P :-P :-P :-P :-P :-P

Yep...

... I'm thinking I'm looking forward to my 4th class starting... If only to cut down on work...

Quiz flood...

You need love.
You are a pretty normal, well-rounded person
that just craves that fairy tale love where you
will be swept off your feet and live happily
ever after. Chances are that you fantasize or
dream about it so much that you either see all
the guys/girls as unromantic or you tell
yourself that anyone could be your soulmate.
You long to have someone by your side and you
want to give back on the romance part too, not
just give.

What Do You Need in Your Life? [dark pics]
brought to you by

This is right.


Your element is Fire. Like fire, you have a hot
temper and you can be warm and loving as well
and angry and wild. It all really comes down to
what you are feeling. You have a lot of close
friends who you are very protective over, and
with your temper probably some enemies too. You
are not Miss/Mr Popular in school since you are
your own person and don't want to be forced
into behaving this or that way. You are the
untamed wild horse, the kind that everyone
wants to catch. But you don't want to be tied
down for the moment and just keep going with
your little crushes. Your will is strong and if
you set your mind to do something, you will
most likely succeed. But beware, your friends
may not always accept your mood-swinging
behaviour. Even if you don't mean to be mean,
they can still feel hurt. You just need to
start thinking some things through before you
do them, and not always jump in with so much
courage. One day you may be hurt because of
that, but then again, your element isn't fire
if you start to analyse situations before you
act. After all, your nature is to shoot first
and ask the questions later. Rate and message!


What is your element? [with pics + detailed answeres]
brought to you by Quizilla
Ok, I'll buy that...


Your wise quote is: "Be kind to unkind people,
they probably need it the most" by
Ashleigh Brilliant.
You try to look beyond apperance, try to give
people second chances and are probably very
kind. Understanding is your biggest personality
trait, and thoose you can see through should be
grateful. If they aren't already. You detest
narrow minded people, because they can't see
what's really there. Facades is not your thing
and you strive to always be who you really are.


What wise quote fits you? [pics]
brought to you by Quizilla
I think this is true...


Life is great for you. You have power, you yearn
for more and can't live without it. You have a
need to boss everyone around you for your
personal pleasures yet you don't seem entirely
satisfied. Perhaps you never will. You need to
realise your still only human
and there are people as good as you. But why, when
you can have your own
little kingdom of slaves?


How do you see life?
brought to you by Quizilla
This could be true. I am kinda afraid of Kokuryu...


Your soul is caring.
Other people are your concern, even if you
don't know them. If you see a person trip you
worry is he is okay. You put your loved ones
first and you're very mature. When someones
sick you're nurturing and always try to help
family and friends when failure strikes them.
You can be called the motherly one, if you are
in a group of people, which doesn't have to be
bad. Love is something that's already in you
and you have a lot to give whether you believe
it or not. Your friends probably love you very
much and come to when they need help since
you're reliable. People can feel secure with
you and generally like you.


How is your soul? [pics]
brought to you by Quizilla
True.


You are a Samurai.
You are full of honour and value respect. You
are not really the stereotypical hero, but you
do fight for good. Just in your own way. For
you, it is most certainly okay to kill an evil
person, if it is for justice and peace. You
also don't belive in mourning all the time and
think that once you've hit a bad stage in life
you just have to get up again. It's pointless
to concentrate on emotional pain and better to
just get on with everything. You also are a
down to earth type of person and think before
you act. Impulsive people may annoy you
somewhat.

Main weapon: Sword
Quote: "Always do the right thing.
This will gratify some people and astonish the
rest" -Mark Twain
Facial expression: Small smile


What Type of Killer Are You? [cool pictures]
brought to you by Quizilla
Likewise Mr Smith...

The typical "it's been a while" post...

"So it's been a while. Haven't had much to say lately."



















Ok. Done that. Lately I've been apathetic about a lot of things. Couldn't help it. I think the video games hit me with a one-two-three-four punch. I do know that it is indeed unhealthy, but when Ninja Gaiden Black, X-Men Legends II, Ultimate Spider-Man, and Mortal Kombat: Shaolin Monks... all hit you, and you've actually been waiting a few months for some new games... it's not like a coupla shots, it's a whole f'n bottle.

Back on apathy, haven't trained, haven't really studied, or done homework, or been really happy lately. I'm just here. I don't know if I've gone numb on the whole UT thing (HELL NO I'M NOT! God please grace me!), or just kinda goin' through a lazy stage, but I'm gettin' antsy with my apathy. Well that's an oxymoron ain't it? If it's not, please grace me with the correct term, as I'm not about to go look it up.

I have a paper that I could turn in tomorrow for 5 bonus points, but I'm only half done. I could finish it tonight. I have an Econ test tomorrow, easy as pie. And I have a math review that I should do by tomorrow. Bloody f'n wonderful. Hell, my Chem class hasn't even started, and that's going to be a joy when it does.

Time to get up off my ass and do what I need to do...

I also NEED to get that TAMU application done like tomorrow.

It's not who I am underneath but what I *do* that defines me.

San Sho Ryu (8:31:41 PM): man I hate work
San Sho Ryu (8:31:47 PM): she kicked my ass today
San Sho Ryu (8:31:51 PM): I made a million sandwiches
San Sho Ryu (8:31:56 PM): and counted every one...

I'm not out of the fight yet...

XD
Gimme strength my people!

Father God, I pray that I make it.
Please let me fly.
I pray for Your guidance and support in everything that I do.
And I praise You for everything You have given me.
You gave me many a great gift.
Please let me give my gifts back to You.
Please bless and protect those in my family.
And bless my truest friends.
And please, keep an eye on the survivors of hurricane Katrina.
In Your name I pray...
And from Who I draw my strength...
Amen.

God, send me an angel...