God, your little dragon seeks You

I've been contemplative lately. I haven't been happy with myself or my life as of the past few years.

God, your little dragon seeks You.

My talents were Your gift to me. What I do with them is my gift back to You.

Here are vids from the fight!

This is also from Round 1, but this catches the knockdown.

My fight is in 2 days!

Here're some videos from the final sparring session, as well as videos from other previous days.

I'm scheduled to fight Rock in a rematch from this past March...

Here are some training videos from 1/08/10...

Thank you anonymous poster...

You probably drove me to read a crapload of my old entries.

The girl recently mentioned is the same girl from before, when I went to HBU.

ANYHOW, I've realized that some things have changed for me, but some have most definitely stayed the same.

I thought I would move on from Jess, but I didn't. I really didn't. I tried my damndest, dating other girls, sleeping with other girls. Physically prettier ones at that. Almost 4 years later, where/what has that gotten me? No further away from her.

But the deep-rooted connection that she and I quickly developed really tore me apart. It really fucked me.

I am more composed now, but I realize that my life is a constant struggle, a struggle between lusting for power and wanting to love and be loved. I constantly flip flop between my identities of Kokuryu and a more Superman-like character.

I don't think I can have both.

And the only surefire thing I can do is really be strong for myself, develop myself.

And it kills me that I will not have this woman.

God help me.

I left this blog at 444 posts. We can't have that, so...

I'm gonna self promote my videos some...
At my Youtube channel, you'll find quite a few videos...
So please subscribe, comment, and rate!

Martial Arts


Some grappling videos


Videos such as New Year's Eve 2010's Fireworks (Best FIREWORKS EVER in 10 years!)


Training videos




Please also note that Rock has agreed to fight me in a rematch. Boxing, same as before. It is scheduled for February 5th. So check back here (maybe) and at the Youtube channel for training updates.

I WILL have videos of the fight up on Youtube and Facebook! Peace!

A note to Jessica Walker

Dear Jess,
I love you. I have loved you for the past ~4 years. There is no other woman who I have wanted so very badly. The thing is: I never win at love. And now, now that I've never ever wanted any woman so badly, I know I won't win this.

I know you have trust issues, but I want you, issues and all. Everything about you. I just don't know what else I can do to let you know that, regardless of my past with women, I only want you. You can trust me. I want that challenge. I would never leave you.

I was there for you before you became a nurse.
I was there for you when you needed to talk for 10 hours on the phone.
I was there for you... and I always will be.

If you ever find this, please know that I love you and that I always will.

And if you need to find me...
Well, I'm sure you will.

Nick

This blog has ended.

Thanks.

I can't function...

... if love is always on my mind.
God, keep it from my mind, let me focus with laser precision.

Living donor liver transplantation (LDLT)

I found the science and effects to be just FUCKING COOL.
Haven't gotten off like that on science in a while.

Mortality

I'm just being morbid, I guess, but from a young age, my father was afraid that I would die young. And as the age, at which one of my heroes died, nears, I'm feeling that I've wasted my life. I know this sounds stupid and all, but too many people feel that they're invincible. I sure did at a couple of times in my life. But if the similarities persist, I have less than 7 years to live.

Time to make something of the rest of my life. Because in all of my laziness lately, this thought of my mortality persists. I am going to die, and I do not want to have accomplished nothing when I go.

This is a win-win. Either I live my life to the fullest that I can before I bite it, or I really begin to turn my life around and, by doing so, dictate the way the rest of my life is going to be. But I will be damned if I go, having accomplished nothing.

"If I don't keep the pressure up.. find time to grieve. I can't let myself grieve. Grief is the enemy. There's no room for grief. Grief turns into acceptance. Forgiveness. Grief forgives what can never be forgiven. Never."
"You learn to speak by speaking, study by studying, work by working; in the same way you learn to love by loving."
"People who are unable to motivate themselves must be content with mediocrity, no matter how impressive their other talents."
"Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars... to change the world."
"Your talent is God's gift to you. What you do with it is your gift back to God."
"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
"If you want redemption, Clark... it lies in the very next decision you make. Make it as a man... and make it right."
"Don't look back admiringly at your own footprints. It's all lost unless this next step is truly exceptional."
"The virtuous spirit has no need for thanks or approval, only the conviction that what has been done is right."
"We carry the most dangerous weapon in the world inside these thick little skulls of ours."
"There's plenty of time to sleep when you're dead. "
"Retirement is over."

Today in the ER...

Got a look at Heather's ex. Yeah, that was... whatever.

Helped label a LOT of tubes. Helped Joel.

Helped an African American lady with her feverish baby in getting a cool towel.

Spoke Spanish to a lady and son while filling out their registration. Impressed myself.

Laughed when a black lady told me that her son had put Play-Doh in his ears.

Smiled at the cute little blonde girl who smiled shyly at me, and laughed when her mom motioned to her other child, a son, and said: "Uh yeah. My son just swallowed a penny."

:)

Good times.

I seek...

... The complete mastery of myself.

Temptation

Most men would rather never be tempted, be it by a temptress, drugs, alcohol, money, fame, whatever, for fear of giving in. But let's just stick to lustful temptation for the sake of where I am going with this. I admittedly have a poor, poor track record, but I've never cheated on a girlfriend, let alone a wife.

I welcome the temptress, and all that she offers, so that when I walk away from her, 100% in control of myself and my being, I can go to my girlfriend, wife, and say:

"That's how much I love you."

I have my own problems, and I need to face them now.

Weights...

... are building my body, but almost... too fast! The changes already occurring within my body are scary and already visible. My body feels weird. I need to run more too and slim it down. But I hurt my foot.

She was just another face.

I am mostly Chinese...

... But my fighting style, though it may have Chinese system components, really doesn't resemble Chinese martial arts.

We may have to change that.

I hate Lost Odyssey

It has one of the coolest and seamless openings ever, and my initial thoughts were: "There is no way this game gets lower than an A."

Things change. After putting in over 45 hours, I give it a B-. It is TEDIOUS. Combat is slow. Spells are ineffectual. Loading times are rather frequent.

I was at the very end, and opted not to finish the game. Games should not be chores to play. Lost Odyssey is a chore. Eff that.

I put it up on Amazon.com if anyone wants to buy it. Just lemme know. Ugh.