Old Post...

Natalie Goldberg: "But, Roshi, it is so lonely."
Katagiri Roshi: "Is there anything wrong with loneliness?"
Natalie Goldberg: "No, I guess not."
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Natalie Goldberg: " But, Roshi, you have sentenced me to such loneliness. Writing is very lonely."
Katagiri Roshi: "Anything you do deeply is very lonely. There are many Zen students here, but the ones that are going deep are very lonely."
Natalie Goldberg: "Are you lonely?"
Katagiri Roshi: "Of course. But I do not let it toss me away. It is just loneliness."
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A long time ago, Alisha once commented on one of my numerous posts:
"why do you always think that you'll feel so much better after fighting someone? if you look at every entry where you're pissed off or annoyed or whatever, it always comes back to fighting someone...maybe you're looking in the wrong place for happiness..."
And she was right. When I fought Will last Friday, I do know that I did not think about Jessica at all during the combat. Didn't think about how "unhealthy" I am, didn't think of my grades, didn't think about all the problems everyone has. Nothing was on my mind but the eradication of the opponent in front of me. Video games don't do this for me! Fighting (and maybe training, if I can get back into it) is my ultimate release.

"After fighting, everything else in life gets dumbed down. You can handle anything.."
-paraphrased from Fight Club. How utterly and clearly true.