Well at least I can hide behind that part of my identity. That's always the way it is. Nothing that I want, outside of things achieved, both in goals and material acquisitions, seems to happen. Maybe a better way to say that is that I accomplish nearly all of my goals, and almost always get what I want in terms of possessions, but when it comes to matters of the heart and emotion, I always lose. For that reason, it is always easier to go back to being Kokuryu. At least then I can channel my sorrow into something physically productive, though should I use what I have built, it can be physically destructive to my being as well. But at least the pain reminds me that I am alive, and not numb from the other kind of pain. I am a masochist for things physically challenging, but not for pain of the heart. That... I cannot take. In love, I feel alive. But I feel the same way in combat. When in love, I'm in love. When in a fight, there is only the opponent.
I've lost my focus.
Time to sharpen it again.
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