My mind is all jumbled. I need to pull myself together... recenter myself. It's tough. The path is very clearly obvious, but it's hard to focus. I need to acknowledge the fact that things're over. It shouldn't be so hard to accept. Things've faltered before. This is no different.

But it is. SHE is.

There ARE millions out there. Instead of punishing myself with idle thought, I need to punish myself with productive masochism. There was a time when all I thought about was building myself up, carving and refining the weapon that I was becoming. I wanted and still want to be God's soldier. But somewhere in the process, the power that I was accumulating corrupted me. I hurt people and I didn't care. I tore people to bits with my words and I didn't care. The women I've hurt...

THIS is karma coming back to bite me in the ass. I abused the power and it was diminished. I hurt women and one pays me back for all of them.

And I hate TV.